Fear of harming myself

You asked, “Tim tam what kind of difficulty? I’m not understanding your question?”

You said in your first post, “I have no desire to harm myself but anxious thoughts come to me about it and it so scary…. please tell me I’m not the only one who experiences that due to anxiety”

Well, you pretty much answered the question right there. The only reason you have anxious thoughts about harming yourself is due to anxiety.

I thought maybe you had been in a very difficult situation, something like trauma. But you answered that in your first post: that you experience things strictly from anxiety. Well, see, I didn’t know that. I missed that part.

So you just have a lot of anxiety. And you’re taking Citalopram anti-depressant is 20 mg.

So, I’m wondering in addition to your medicine, could you try CBT, or positive thinking to help you with your anxiety? You said, "yes my family is pretty much negative always expecting the worst and “predicting it”, I have never hear them say hey I have a feeling this is going to go well ....total Opposite ...so I guess learned from them"

I'm saying, my family was negative, also, and negative things tended to stay negative until I read a column on being positive going into a problem that you could solve it. It helped me and I was wanting to give some of that information to you.

What do you think?

You said, “I try to stay optimistic about it...as I was before the pandemic I mean literally I was always trying to help Other anxiety sufferers.”

Do you know why I’m trying to help you and others on this board, even though I’m bipolar and I have as many problems as everyone else?

It’s because of what you just said, “I mean literally I was always trying to help Other anxiety sufferers.”

In my case, a year or so before I came on this website, I was on a “particular ailment” website, and I went on there with a problem that was really getting me down. And on that website was a woman who was having a problem, and my concern suddenly turned from worrying about my health problem, to worrying about hers.

And I gave everything I had to trying to help that person. And you what happened? My health problem disappeared. My psychic energy turned around from going inward and worrying about my health problem, to going outward and worrying about her health problem.

So when I came on this board, I never thought about any of my problems, I had learned to try to help somebody else.

So that is true what you say: “I mean literally I was always trying to help Other anxiety sufferers.” And in so doing, we may help them and we often help ourselves.

As far as being positive, I didn’t know anything about that. I always thought my parents were right when I was being raised, that many things were bad, and I adopted that, and since that was in my unconscious, which I can’t see, I really didn’t know I was carrying that around.

I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t solve problems.

What I would often see after I had blundered, was that I had rejected a solution that turned out to be correct. It was my positive conscious wanting to do something, but having learned negative as a child, my unconscious was on negative, and was taught to disagree with whatever goal my conscious wanted to achieve.

So inside my mind is plus 1, minus 1 = 0. So I couldn’t solve the problem. Until I can get both sides of my mind going in the same direction, I can’t solve the problem.

So I came across this newspaper column on being positive when trying to solve problems.
She said, if you’re positive going into a problem that you can solve it, your chances of solving it double.

What I found that does is, it flipped the switch in my unconscious from negative to positive, and I solved the next problem that I had, not by thinking first about the problem, but to thinking that could solve it.

Then, when I went into a problem, I wouldn’t think about the problem, I would first say, “Think, positive, think positive, think positive,” and only then think about the problem.

That’s what the column taught me.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I also don't feel sorry for myself.

I did for many years, until that woman at the Al-Anon meeting (for friends and relatives of alcoholics) noted after I listed my troubles that I was having a Pity Party, and added "we've all done that."

I never had one after that. It's things like that which helped me make progress.

You mention being very anxious:

“Hi there, I’m so anxious right now I don’t know what to do”

“Yes it is definitely my thinking, I do recognize the problem but, how do I change those ? I mean I have try to accept Then and remember that they are just thoughts but still make me afraid”

“I’m still worried about everything and what if I developed a new illness? What if I am depressed? What if I never get better? What if’s are just so bad lately."

"Willing to try everything to get better ...this is debilitating me”

From there my anxiety went so bad...every day is like what if? Why do these thoughts come to my mind? And fear comes to my mind."

"I truly believe this fear is all part of this pandemic ...realizing that we are so vulnerable you know, ...I went to the new therapist who recommended CBT, I have never actually tried it ..."

"I think I am getting what you re saying ...I mean things that have happened to me make me more scare of the same situations again. For example I am kinda of feeling better about the covid situation and then I hear there is going to be another lockdown and I start very anxious. I mean look at what that situation has brought us already you know."

As far as where the anxiety comes from, you said:

"Yes I mean I love my family it’s just that they are anxious too"

So you’ve spoken of anxiety quite a bit. Webmd.com says the symptoms of that are:

• Feeling nervous, restless or tense; Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom;
• Having increased heart rate; Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation); Sweating; Trembling

Do you have that?

The website also listed several types of anxiety, one was called;

Generalized anxiety disorder includes persistent and excessive anxiety and worry about activities or events — even ordinary, routine issues. The worry is out of proportion to the actual circumstance, is difficult to control and affects how you feel physically. It often occurs along with other anxiety disorders or depression.
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You said your therapist thought you might be depressed and suggested you talk with your doctor. The symptoms of depression for women are (healthline.com):

• mood, such as irritability
• emotional well-being, such as feeling sad or empty, anxious or hopeless
• behavior, such as loss of interest in activities, withdrawing from social engagements;
cognitive abilities, such as thinking or talking more slowly
• sleep patterns, such as difficulty sleeping through the night, waking early, over sleeping;
• physical well-being, such as decreased energy, greater fatigue, changes in appetite, weight changes, aches, pain, headaches, increased cramps

Do you have that?

As for medicines, you said were taking Citalopram anti-depressant, 20 mg., which net said was the initial starting dosage.

verywellmind website says about that medicine: “By reducing the rate at which serotonin is reabsorbed, Celexa (Citalopram) changes the brain chemistry, improving mood and reducing feelings of anxiety. Celexa can assist in decreasing the severity of panic attacks and other panic disorder symptoms.

So, your medicine seems to be very good. It's an anti-depressant which also helps with "reducing anxiety." It my view, it may need to be increased.

You might want to bring some of this up with your doctor at your next appointment.
These are just my views as someone who also has emotional problems with bipolar.
You can look up these and other topics, also, by typing them into the search engine, which is where I found them.

You said, "I do have the symptoms of anxiety I don’t have the symptoms of depression ... and my medication I had taken it before and it worked wonders."

Are you saying you've taken Citalopram before and it worked wonders for your anxiety? What effect is it having now?

Reference.medscape.com says Celexa (Citalopram) for Generalized Anxiety Disorder,
the initial dosage is 10 mg per day--you're taking 20 mg.--and it can be increased to 40 mg a day.

What dosage were you taking? Can you consider talking with your doctor and upping the dosage?

I've read that Buspar is a medicine for anxiety only and that it can be used with some anti-depressants for an even more calming affect.

How often do you talk to your psychiatrist? When is you next appointment?

Oh, my. Next month.

I was also thinking you could call her and tell her that, that the anxiety is stronger than it was last time. How long have you been on the medicine this time?

Webmd.com says about Citalopram (Celexa) anti-depressant, "It may take 1 to 4 weeks to feel a benefit from this drug and up to several weeks before you get the full benefit.”

Again, how long have you been on the medicine?

Can you describe the situation to her over the phone, I mean, before your next appointment? How bad it is, including some of the ways you've been describing it here?