Posted 6/29/2024 7:49 PM (GMT -5)
You’ve got my head spinning. It’s in the present and it’s also going back many decades.
I have a condition called hyperacusis, which is ringing in the ears from firing the rifle in the National Guard. I had heard that two things can cause hyperacusis or make it worse: medicine and noise.
You’re guarding against addiction by not taking medicine and I was guarding against making my ears worse which to me meant not taking medicine. Except I was bipolar and needed medicine to prevent mania and depression and panic attacks.
I thought life could be perfect, like at ages 10 and 15, before illnesses start. If I could avoid medicine when I was 10 and 15, why couldn’t I avoid medicines at 20 and 30 when mental illnesses can start? The Coved shot is a medicine, did you avoid that because you might get hooked on it? Or did the possibility of death override your fear of getting hooked?
I avoided medicine as long as I could but by around ages 28-30 I had a nervous breakdown and I would take any medicine they gave me to try and regain my sanity. I don’t think people always recover from that, so I was very lucky. I had 3 nervous breakdowns after that. You see, I wasn’t taking my medicine. And I recovered from each one of them.
Very lucky. A nervous breakdown is very scary. It’s the house of horrors times 10. Yeah, bats in the belfry, exactly. That was my diagnosis. Now there is kind of a gray area in there, say 23 to 30, where you might can get by, yeah, anxiety, depression maybe mania. But not a nervous breakdown. That’s not a gray area. That’s skimming the tree tops.
Panic attacks, I’ve had those, are like short nervous breakdowns. But they were enough to get my attention. I would do anything to avoid those, also. Including taking medicine. I had panic attacks and I took Lithium and I haven’t had another one in 30 years. How smart is that?
Especially making sure I still take my medicine. Have you ever had a panic attack? That could be called an early warning system. If you can ignore panic attacks you have quite a bit of resolve. At some age you’re going to have to give your brain a break and help it.