Time to talk it out ugghhh (warning long)

I have had a very rough 3 weeks and still counting. 3 straight weeks of really high anxiety and mini panic attacks. I call them mini because they are lasting about an hour each time. But I'm dealing with about 8-10 a day.

I freaked out last week on Friday over getting my hair cut. I haven't had my hair cut in about 3 years. Pretty much do to the fact I can hardly leave the house. But decided it was way past due and went and had it done. I had to tell the stylist I was sorry for getting all sweaty and the reason why. She was so great. Talked to me the entire time. Told me I was fine and just chatted away. Made it alot easier and had me out in about 10 minutes. She got a 5 dollar tip and a product purchase for doing such a great job with me and my wacky behavior.

Woke up this morning in a panic. Had one of my large cats sleeping on me which put pressure on my already bad back. So I've dealt with right hip and leg issues all day. Along with waking to a tingling stabbing pain ankle heel area. That lasted for a few hours. Which of course the entire time I'm half freaking out and half in tears thinking I had a stroke while I was sleeping.

Then this evening while I'm dealing with the aftermath of the above issues. I get a sharp pain in my throat. Of course I got into the I can't breath, swollowing is hard. Maybe its a heart attack. So I get a tightness in the chest, and start the heavy breathing, sweaty hands etc. I thought I was done... Well the pain lasted seconds but the panic lasted a lot longer. Then after its gone I calm down and not but 30 minutes ago it happened again. This time I touch my throat and realize its on the outside so it could be a muscle issue or an infection again but most likely anxiety related. Then I got the stress headache I like to call them. The sharp pain that goes from the back of the neck to the top of the head. Or the 'zap'. Then a dizzy spell right after.. So once again I'm in high anxiety mode.

The dizzy spells are caused by my allergies (at least that is what the doc told me 8 years ago). My ears are always clogged. Plus I don't wear my glasses so the eye strain isn't good either. And I love to knit. I'll spend hours sitting with my head down knitting. So I'm sure that plays a roll in it some where too.

The foot issue.. Is because I sit cross legged or Indian style all the time. I'm short my feet don't touch the floor and its more comfortable. Well my legs or feet will 'fall asleep' several times a day. So I probably over did it yesterday. But it could also be do to the very tight muscle issue I'm having from the hip down. I can rub this spot on my hip/back and my leg with get all goose bumpy.. so weird.

What I don't get is I KNOW THIS. I try to get this same facts into my head. But the worst case always comes to the front first. Always. I can't just have normal aches and pains without freaking out.

I'm tired. I am so warn out from fighting this battle every second of everyday. I want to go back to work. I'd love to travel! That has always been one of the major things I wanted to do. See people and places. Its a hard dream to let go of..

I've now become afraid to eat. I hate it. If I never ate again I'd be happy. I maybe overweight. But it sure is not due to me stuffing my face thats for sure. I eat once a day normally. And its usually about what a small child would eat. Hubby has now started checking in on me to make sure I eat twice a day. If I don't I start shaking really bad get light headed and just feel horrible. So I've started having an english muffin for breakfast.
--- The reason... increased chances for heart palpitations. I just want to avoid as many as I possibly can.

Sometimes just writing it all out makes it so much better. I can already tell the anxiety has dropped from a 12 to about a 5-6. Which is a relief for now. I'll soon be fighting the panic monster that shows up when I try and sleep in my own bed.. Gotta get over that fear. The only way is to try and face it. Got my galaxy tab 2 with ear phones set up and ready for a movie to watch while I try and fall asleep in that evil room..lol Otherwise I deal with my 15lb cat sleeping on me once again..

So good night all. I hope your day's and weeks are anxiety easy and full of laughter.

Hugs to everyone
Allie

ps no replys are needed. I just needed to vent and write out how I was feeling and there is no better place than here with people who understand. But I still will check for replys just incase.

Yeah, I want to resond as well!:)

I hope that just writing everything out has helped...it ususally does.

And if you can print your post out (or at least save it) it may help you to get through a rough patch in the furture. You can look back and say "There was a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of that stuff I was worried about." or "I got through all of that then, and I can do it again!'

Do is seem like your anxiety is focused on health issues? I am sorry, but I can't remember if you have had therapy or done any self-help work? If you like, I have some good book recommendations for treating health anxiety using the CBT method (which worked wonders for me!) Let me know if you want the links to the book reviews.

Congratulations of getting out and getting your hair done! That is a great step, and you should feel proud of that. Again, the next time that you face a challenge, you can look back and say "I did that...and I can do this now as well!)

I hope that you have a peaceful weekend...and keep posting.;)

S.C.

I am so happy that you are feeling alive and that there is some brightness to your day.:)

Enjoy the positive feelings and try to keep them going!

Talk to you soon,

S.C.