Posted 3/1/2015 8:58 AM (GMT -5)
I have had anxiety/panic on and off most of my life and I had a particularly bad period of anxiety/panic when I was involved with my son's father in a very bad situation quite a few years ago...but in that case I KNEW the situation was causing my anxiety. After I finally left him I suffered with the most severe case of depression of my life and I'm sure it was due to what I had been through and was now trying to start my life over again. I never took antidepressants because I was afraid of them (foolish) but I did take Xanax for the anxiety that went along with it. It took over a year to crawl out of the depression and the anxiety also went away for quite a few years with only a few bouts of it that might last for days or weeks. It's 18 years later now and I'm once again going through what I originally thought was anxiety (which I'm sure is part of it) but this time I'm beginning to realize that depression is there too (maybe I should post on that forum too)...not sure if the depression is just a result of the anxiety or just because of my situation. I am retired now, my best friend of 50 years died suddenly, my finances are a constant concern since I'm just on Social Security with only a couple of part time caregiving jobs to supplement that and I recently was diagnosed with macular degeneration and even tho the shots I am getting supposedly are improving the condition, I'm fearful my eyesight will deteriorate and I won't be able to drive (which has always been my lifeline and source of independence) My youngest son, who is now 23 and still living at home is talking about going into the Peace Corps which selfishly scares me alot, not only because of things that are going on in the world, but because his living at home gives me some form of comfort even tho I know he has to live his life. There doesn't seem to be much to look forward to now that I'm 67 and I just wonder if this anxiety/panic/depression will be here forever now. I have taken steps to join a therapy group and get to a doctor (finally) to have blood work done to see if anything physical is contributing to this but other than that, I feel like I'm constantly in a state of nervousness, fear, depression and anxiety. Guess I just needed to vent, as it sometimes gives me some relief from this horrible feeling that clouds my brain.