High anxiety/depression, irritated, too self aware

Hey guys,
So I left my last therapist about 2 months ago and I have been struggling a lot since. My anxiety is high, and my anger towards her is also very high. Sometimes I question my sanity because I have never been this angry before. Another problem is that I seem to be incredibly self aware. Like every time I do something, I have some kind of thought about why I'm doing it or a reason for it, and it frustrates me because nothing I do feels natural or normal anymore. I feel like I'm going through an identity crisis as well, almost as though I'm struggling between myself vs my previous therapist. It's very painful and my appetite, energy levels, and overall well-being are at an all time low. I have never felt this way before. I have been putting off taking medication but I caved last night and took an ativan to sleep, which did help once it kicked in. Today I've contacted my psychiatrist to try and start medication which I've been very against but feel that this needs to be taken are of before it gets worse.

I'm really scared lately though. My life has changed so quickly. I was a pretty happy, bright, energetic person and never had issues going out or functioning but now I feel completely different. I feel like I am fighting a dark thing here and it's so scary. I would like to think that things will get better and I can go back to being my usual self again. Has anyone else ever felt this way? The self-awareness thing is really destroying me.

Searching is giving you very good advice, and to answer your question most of us have had to deal with
the being too self aware. Heck every doctor and therapist asks "how do you feel about that, they actually
turn us to the internalizing everything". I wish they used different text books. If you remember back when
you were happy you were not so self aware, you took things in stride, kind of the old St. Frances method
change what you can and accept what you cant. The answer as i see it is if we are busy living we will not
have much time to worry about dying. I wish you Life and Peace,

Larry ***

WZ,

I would say if you look at the self awareness in a positive light...you will see that it has its advantages.

It has allowed you to recoginze the need to get out from under your precvious therapist...and reach out for help from your P-doc for Rx help...you are talking with the group here for support, and in general, making healing steps towards wellness.

I know that there is the down side as well, but you are in the works to get the help that you need to feel your best...so these feelings are going to pass.

Have patience with yourself and the process...and know that we are cheering you on along the way!

Keep up the good work, and let us know how your consult with your doctor goes.

S.C.